Choices
by Lucy Elliott
Summary: 2019. Five years have gone by since the last time Lisa and Loki met and now, the world is a whole different place: Thanos has taken over it and with his foolish army, he strikes terror. After the Snap, Lisa has nothing more to lose, her daughter has gone and she wants to bring her back. Choices must be made. Some will be hard, some almost impossible but she won't be alone.
1. Chapter 1

_Another journey begins. Old and new characters meet, old wounds reopen, new ones appear. Seat back, relax and get ready to start again. Stick with "Trickster" ._

_A little suggestion: for a better overview, read "Trickster" first._

_xx_

_L._

**Choices**

CHAPTER 1

_August 2017_

"Are you aware of what you're demanding me?" Strange asked him in a stern voice. Loki nodded staring blankly at a bee buzzing in front of him. His lips tightened. "Lisa will forget everything. " Strange insisted.

Loki blinked and frowned. "That is exactly what I want." He muttered.  
"So, you want your daughter to grow up without a father, I suppose." Strange concluded harshly.  
This time Loki turned to him and held his gaze on the Doctor. His eyes were blazing. "What I want", he hissed trough his teeth, " is her to grow immune from the risk of being like me."  
"Therefore", Strange retorted, "as your father before you, you arrogate the right to decide for someone else's life - Odin son." He added, prodding him.  
Loki's fists and jaws clamped tight. "Who do you think you're talking to, Strange?" Loki abruptly snapped," do you really think you're so much better than anyone else here, to have the power to judge and condemn every one?"

Strange stood ahead of him, silent.

"I'm not asking you a therapy session, I'm asking you a favour." Loki went on. "If you don' t have the guts to do it, just tell and-"  
"I thought", Strange cut in calmly, "you and I had some abilities in common. Am I wrong, Asgardian?"  
"If I had been able to do it myself, I would not be here." Loki admitted coldly.  
"Very well." Strange stated. "Let's do it then. There's no use in wasting more time." He surrendered.  
"It will be alright." Loki whispered, while the magic was shaping up, spilling out of Strange's fingers. "Without me in your lives, everything will be perfect."

**_Two years later_**

Lisa squinted her eyes to get used to the darkness of the room and held her breath with his senses on the lookout. She suddenly got up from the old mattress on which she had dozed off and clawed her fingers around the revolver she had in her pocket, ready to take it out.  
"Stop!" She yelled when the male silhouette moved some steps towards her in the dim light. "I have a handgun!"  
The man halted. He was tall and slender, with thin lips . A moonbeam pouring from the window lighted his pointy chin and cheekbones. His shoulder- length raven hair was loose and dishevelled. He slowly lifted up both his hands showing his palms  
"I have no bad intentions". He said cautiously.  
She held the gun on him. Her hands slightly shaking "Who are you? Go away. You won't find anything here."  
"My name is Loki"- he answered- "I'm unarmed. I won't do you any harm."

His voice was deep and mellow. Lisa stepped back and keeping the gun always on Loki, switched on the lamp close to the mattress.

The room was instantly filled with a pale yellow light. As Loki saw her, his heart almost leaped out of his chest. She was still as beautiful as he remembered though time had left slight marks on her . Her hips were thinner and her expression had hardened. He gave her a faint smile but she did not smile back. In spite of being late night she was fully dressed and a large filled rucksack lied on the floor, next to the room door.  
A smell of lavender and thyme hit Loki' s nostrils and made him wince. That was her perfume, it was still the same. In a moment he was overwhelmed by memories and a deep shiver rushed through him like a frozen finger along his bare skin. He swallowed hard and swayed for a second.  
"Are you all right?" Lisa asked gingerly.  
Loki got hold of himself and nodded. She was staring at him with her eyes narrowed. "Loki you said? Thor's brother?"  
"In person." He confirmed with a grin of gloat.

A grimace of deep disgust mixed with anger twitched Lisa' s face. "The mad man who stroke New York out in 2012 with an army of huge alien lizards?"  
The gloat disappeared immediately. "Apparently." He admitted pretty embarrassed. Lisa raised her eyebrow and shook her head. "My compliments", she said with sarcasm, "you managed to slay one of the largest and more populated cities of the USA, in less than a hour. She announced bitterly. "And for what?" She paused for a couple of seconds, pretending to gather her thoughts.  
" Oh, yes! Because you wanted a throne." She went on, widening her eyes.

Loki lifted his chin, his face clouded. His lips parted to reply but Lisa was faster. "You don' t know me but I know a lot about you, god of mischief. " She stated.  
Loki ' s eyes rolled. His annoyance was quite clear.  
"Oh pray tell", he hissed "I' m eager to know."  
"I've been studying Norse gods for years, I know how you usually act to get to your purposes, plus, Jane Foster is ..." she hesitated and blinked a tear away "was" - she corrected herself, " one of my closest friends. I was with her during your brother's banishment. I remember what you did to prevent him from coming back to Asgard and ruling on it, I remember you sent the Destroyer and almost killed him. It's easily understandable thus, that you don't stop at nothing to get what you want." She concluded.  
"Wow" Loki said, clapping at her . "Excellent _résumé_ , nevertheless, there is some inaccuracy I would like to underline."  
"Firstly", he began "I _completely _killed him, not just _almost_ and if Mjöllnir had not come back to his hand, he would probably be still there, lying in the dust.  
Secondly, I just did what he asked me. He clearly begged me to take his life in exchange for your puny mortal friend's one.  
And thirdly, what you vulgarly define as _mischief_ is actually a fine, well-calibrated usage of magic arts, derived from a constant and long-lasting practice. Oh, by the way," he added coldly, "I never wanted a throne. I already had one, as a birthright, so I suggest you getting more precise information before you judge someone." He retorted.  
"What did you want , then?" Lisa asked.  
"I didn't mean to steal my brother's throne", he clarified. "I just wanted to prove I could be a worthy king as much as my brother is."  
Lisa's stern voice had not softened at all.  
"How exactly? She countered. "By striking terror and killing thousands of innocent people? Have you forgotten what you did seven years ago?"  
Loki closed his eyes and sucked a deep breath in.  
"Lisa listen I-"  
"Lisa?" She abruptly cut in- "how the hell do you know my name?"  
_Oh shit_. Loki realised the gross mistake he had done and glimpsed growing panic in her eyes.  
"Answer my question." She ordered.  
"The cup." He said, faking spontaneity, while his guts were actually knotting - he hinted at a black cup standing on the bedside table. Red stylised letters were carved on its ceramic surface. "Isn't that your name?"  
"It is." Lisa confirmed but she had not intention to let down her guard.  
"Why are you here? Who are you working for?" She insisted.  
Loki frowned and tilted his head in surprise.  
"Beg your pardon? I'm not working for anyone! Ok... I'll be honest with you," he began, "This is the first place that hit my mind before-"  
"So you knew it." Lisa cut in again. "You already knew I was here." She stepped forward and stopped right in front of Loki. The extremity of the revolver touched his chest. "Your lies don' t work with me." She muttered, her eyes just fixed on his. "Tell me what you want from me."  
Loki held her gaze and for an instant he was to confess her the truth. If only had she known! He swallowed and spoke.  
"Midgard." He said in the end. "I meant that Midgard is the first place that hit my mind. If you had just let me complete the sentence." He added in a vexed tone. "Not this- he flickered his eyes all around - "crumbling ruin". He concluded sharply.  
Lisa narrowed his eyes totally offended. She lowered the revolver and let it fall on the floor.

Her eyes had turned watery again.

"This crumbling ruin" , she explained in a shaken voice, "is what remains of my house. If prince Loki is not pleased with the furniture, she mocked at him, " the door is right there".  
Loki did not answer. With careful eyes he gave another look around and finally realised where he was. Another wave of memories phagocytised him but this time, he used every inch of his will not to drown.

Rhetoric had always been one of his best skills while now it seemed his abilities were gradually fading. He softly held her hand and tried to make amend, weighting every word.  
"I am truly sorry for what I've just said." He started  
"I have been indelicate and rude. I did not mean to evoke you sad memories."

Lisa gazed at him for a short while, uncertain whether believe him or not. He looked sincere but he was the prince of lies, after all...  
"My fault", she finally whispered. "You couldn't know it was my house". She reckoned. " And you're right, it's just a shattered heap of ruins, but I can't leave it." She walked towards a wooden wobbly table and swiped a hand on a dusty silver frame.

Behind the chipped glass, a little girl with a jet-black mane and a pair of dark-green clever eyes, was hugging a huge teddy bear and grinning at the camera.  
"My daughter" Lisa said.  
Loki's jaws got suddenly clamped as well as his throat.

"Where is she now?" He managed, almost chocking.

"Thanos took her away from me. We were playing in the garden and the next moment, she was just.. gone." She replied sadly.

Loki' s breath snagged. He felt like someone was wrecking him from the inside, bone by bone. Guilt and failure gripped him mercilessly and for the first time in many years, he cried. Desperately.

Restraintlessly.

Utterly devastated.

_Tbc… leave a review if you liked it!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hi guys! New thrilling chapter for you! Enjoy and review if you like!_

_xx_

_L._

CHAPTER 2

Lisa was gaping at him quite in shock. "You teamed up with the Avengers!"She repeated.

Loki nodded, in response, absolutely not impressed.

"Your bewilderment is really offensive". He replied bitterly. "We were unarmed and badly outnumbered. That was, by far, the most logical choice."  
Lisa began to twist a lock of hair around her finger. She used to do it every time she felt nervous.  
"Sorry", she murmured , "it's just that... I can't help thinking about New York and the Destroyer." She justified herself.  
Loki sighed. "That was the past - he replied pretty bothered- "and the Destroyer was only a way to show my power. "

"As for New York, he continued, choosing carefully his words, It was- let's say I was not properly at my best." He cut out, giving no further details."  
Catching his displeasure, Lisa did not dare say more and for a handful of seconds , none of them spoke , letting the room be filled with the heavy silence of the night.

Loki looked weary. His dark-blue leather suit was ripped in many points and his boots were covered in dust and dirt. He was sitting on the floor, his back leant on the wall and his arms crossed on his chest. His breathing was slow and calibrated and a thin, long cut run through his left eyebrow. His red- rimmed eyes were closed like he was sleeping. He seemed so different from the man she had seen in the news, so weak, so terribly... _human_.  
Lisa watched him with curiosity and suspect , completely incapable of foreseeing his next move. She had many unsolved questions to ask him and yet, there was something disturbing in him that kept holding her back.  
Then, out of the blue, as if he could read her mind, he spoke again.

"Five minutes". He muttered, without moving. "Give me just five minutes and I'll tell you what you want to know."

_~•~•~•~_

As Loki talked, Lisa listened to him, paying attention to every single word he uttered. Only when he paused, she realised how hard it had to be for him to bring those memories back.  
"He was standing opposite me", Loki went on after a short while, ready to wreck my brother's head if I hadn't given him the Tesseract and so, I did it. I gave it to him. Or at least, this is what I made him think." He added.

For a moment, a faint smirk tore through his lips but it instantly faded .

"We had a Hulk. I thought we could win, but I made a huge mistake." He admitted below his breath.  
" How did you escape from him?" Lisa asked in a soft voice  
"I let him kill me." He responded, with a slight chuckle.  
Lisa raised her eyebrows in awe. "You what?"  
The corner of his lips finally lifted in a wider smile. "I tricked him- he explained- faking my death. I let him believe he had strangled me but he had just killed my hologram. One of my best performances, to be honest." He concluded with a grin of gloat.  
Lisa smiled back at him, shaking her head, amused and surprised at the same time.  
"Did Thor know it was a trick?" She inquired, still smiling.

At those words, Loki suddenly frowned and turned ash- white. His grin completely vanished.

"He did not", he chocked, swallowing hard to hold back the tears.

"I had purposed to come back as soon as Thanos had left but when I did, it was too late." He confessed in a whisper.

"A multitude of slaughtered bodies, This is what I found. Men, women, even children mercilessly burnt and no trace of my brother." A small teardrop trailed along his pointy left cheekbone and seared his pale skin.

Lisa moved from the mattress she was sitting on and came close to him." I'm sure you did all you could do to save them, Loki." She smoothly said.

As she got right in front of him, she bent on her knees and touched lightly the back of his hand.

With a quick jerk, Loki pull his hand back and leaped to his feet.

"I'm not asking for your compassion", he snapped, giving her a surly gaze. "You don't know what you' re talking about, therefore keep your mouth shut." He sullenly ordered her.

That harsh mood swing got Lisa completely unprepared, so, when Loki turned his back on her and left the room, she remained baffled and mortified, staring at the open door.

_~•~•~•~_

The dim light of the dawn, that seeped in through the Venetian blinds, woke Lisa up. She stretched her arms out and almost fell off the mattress as she saw Loki standing ahead of her. He was staring at her, in silence.

"Jeez!" She startled, scrolling a hand down her forehead, " you must be mad!"

"Good morning." He uttered coldly.

"How long have you been awake?" Lisa asked, stifling a yawn. "You could wake me up too." She protested.  
"That was not necessary." He answered. His flat tone still betrayed irritation.  
Lisa heaved a resigned sigh and pulled herself up. When she turned towards the bedside table to get a hair band, she noticed a clay pot with two white and pink - streaked peonies in it.  
In the meantime, Loki had turned his back on her, pretending to focus his attention on a cloud that was floating rapidly in the reddish November sky.  
"A peace offering?" Lisa began, hinting at the flowers, with the hope to defuse the tension which had fallen between them. Her words, however, shattered against the wall of silence erected by the god of mischief.  
For a few minutes, the squeak of the run-down windows shutters moved by the autumn gust, was the only noise that could be heard. Then, unexpectedly, Loki started to speak, gliding a finger over the fogged window pane.

"The gauntlet was on Asgard. It has been there for centuries since Bronn, Odin's father, brought it as a war trophy. No one has ever known what it was for . Neither have I. Until I met Thanos."  
Loki paused and turned again to Lisa. The dark circles around his eyes stood out against his milky complexion.  
"You met him?!" Lisa gasped.  
"Yes", he answered. "Before I came to New York. He taught me things I could have never imagined. He made me stronger, more powerful. This is why I stole the gauntlet from Asgard and gave it to him."  
Lisa's lips parted in disbelief.

"He asked me to conquer Midgard for him and he promised me I could have ruled on it, on his behalf. He was offering me the chance I had been waiting for my entire life, the opportunity to be a worthy king - he explained- therefore I accepted with no hesitation."  
Loki gulped hard. His heartbeat throbbing through his temples." They have died-" he rasped, "all of it has happened because of me." He finally managed.

He dared glance at her, ready to receive all her contempt but surprisingly, her expression appeared nothing but pensive.  
"Strange..." she murmured.  
Loki tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. "What's strange?"  
"Not what but _who_", she replied, "Stephen Strange. Have you ever heard of him?"  
Loki shivered with panic and his mouth dried. Nevertheless, he struggled not to lose control.

"I perfectly know that second-rate sorcerer"- he stated haughtily- and I don't see how he could be of any use."  
This time Lisa ignored his scorn. "Very well, let's find him first . He will tell us whether he can help us or not." Her tone had never sounded so authoritative. Anyway, Loki did not seem to care.  
"Help _us_?" He retorted sharply. "Are we friends now? Or what, allies maybe?"  
Lisa clenched her jaws. Her guts constricted.

"Loki listen, she said, that is not a joke. You said you have known Thanos, this means you can try to guess his moves now . You know how to deal with him. Plus, she went on undaunted, you and Strange have great powers and together you could be the only hope to defeat him and save us all."  
Loki chuckled bitterly as a response.

"You have definitely lost your mind." He mocked at her. "Look around you- he hissed- who exactly should we save? There's not a soul here and you talk about safety and hope. Tell me, what game are you playing? You are willing to start a journey to nowhere and yet, you can' t leave your own house, you would like me to save you and yet you' d be ready to shoot me in any moment!" his voice had become loud and stern.  
"Do you really think your daughter will come back, you stupid girl? No one will ever come back!" He shouted, beyond his reason.  
Lisa was weeping silently in a corner, broken by his cutting remarks.

"How can you be so ruthess ?" She countered in a trembling voice.

Her whole body was shaking too. "Have you ever loved anyone in your life?"  
Loki gritted his teeth, bile stung the back of his throat. "Oh shut up!" He snarled, while tears were looming over the edge of his eyes .

"Asgard fallen -he muttered- my people wiped out in a moment, my brother vanished, do you still think I can't understand how you feel?"  
"Do something, then." She begged him.  
"I would if I could." He answered flatly. _If Asgard falls we fall with it_. Since you claim you know everything about Norse gods, you should know that too." He scolded her.  
"Does it mean you lost your powers?" Lisa inquired, concerned.  
"It means I'm a wreck at the moment." He clarified. "It' s over, Lisa. Cope with it." He declared.  
"It is not." She replied firmly. "Let's try and find the other Avengers. Probably Thor is still alive. Let's look for them; then you and Strange will make the difference. Both him and you are able to manipulate time and ensnare your enemies' mind and you, Loki, know Thanos and the way he usually operates.  
"Your optimism is ridiculous - he poked her- we don't even know if Strange survived the snap and again, I'm too weak."  
"Use me." She suggested . "My body, my energy."  
Loki raised his eyebrows and busted out laughing.  
"I'm not joking!" Lisa flared up.  
Loki instantly turned serious. "It's out of the question." He just said.  
Lisa shook her head, "you have always used everyone for the most disparate purposes without mercy, without any moral restraint why are you so suddenly conscience- stricken now ?" she prodded him.  
"I said no." He repeated.  
"Give me a reason." She insisted.  
"You are nor mentally nor physically prepared to bear such a burden. You would die and I don't want to be responsible for your death." Loki stated.  
"You must be kidding." Lisa retorted gaping at him, in astonishment. "You have killed hundreds of people and now you don't want to be responsible for my death?!" She yelled at him, completely out of control.  
Loki grabbed her by the t-shirt and pushed her back against the wall. His eyes plunged deeply into hers, they were blazing.  
"Yes, I have killed hundreds of people and I'm still paying for my actions - he hissed through his teeth - that's why I won't do it anymore ."  
"You will, if you keep acting like that . Others will die if we don't stop him now!" She told him, getting herself away from his grip. "You know what? -She went on - I volunteer. So that, if something bad happens to me, you won't be responsible for my life or for my death.  
"And what about you daughter?" Loki challenged her. "Who will look after her if you die?"  
"My daughter will not have a chance if you don't help me, Loki. I still live here armed and always on the lookout, because there' s a army of Chitauri outside there who's constantly searching for survivors, God only knows to do what. If they catch me I'll be doomed. Please- she pleaded with him- you are truly my only hope."  
Loki remained quiet for a while, brooding over what Lisa had just said to him.  
"Alright, I'll help you". He accepted in the end. "But on my own terms." he added.  
"Ok, Let's hear them ."  
"First, I will use part of your energy only if I really need it." He began.

"Moreover, if I notice you are suffering my presence, I will instantly leave you. No matter how weak I am.

And last, in the most dangerous situations We must necessarily be apart."  
"I think we should be together in the most dangerous situations, she objected, we'll-"  
"What you think does not concern me." Loki frostily cut in. "If you want my help, these are my rules. He laconically concluded.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello again my dear readers! Chapter 3 is waiting for you. Read it and review . Please, please, please! I crave your opinion!_

_xx_

_L._

CHAPTER 3

Lisa slowly lifted her eyelids up and blinked. "Loki..." - she called in a low voice- "Loki, are you here?" She repeated. But no answer came to her.

Cold sweat was drenching her t shirt, giving her deep stinging shivers . She felt snagged.

It was dark all around and the pungent smell of mildew was making her sick. As a stabbing stitch hit her left side, she gritted her teeth and winced. As hard as she tried, she couldn't realise where she was or how long she had been lying there without conscience.

With short clumsy moves and a great effort, she stretched her arms out and got up to her knees .  
Whatever that place was, the room was hardly enough for one person. She cautiously leant both palms against the wall and swiped them over the concrete surface seeking blindly for a way-out. While her fingers were running fast on the smooth stone , the iron door behind her opened with a squeak and a pair of bony hands clawed at the back of her arms, dragging her towards the outside.

Lisa screamed and wiggled out of that grip with every inch of her muscles; then she suddenly glimpsed the extremity of a silver stick looming too close to her temple. She reflexively ducked her head, trying to dodge it but her readiness was not so good as she expected.

A sharp deep pain rushed along her brain, her vision went blurred and in a moment, darkness and unconsciousness swallowed her again.

~•~•~•~

"I don't know if I can trust you yet, Laufey son . You are a master of deception and your shifting allegiances are not surprising anymore."  
"I promised you a prisoner and here she is." Loki replied flatly.

The Mad Titan moved his gaze from Loki to Lisa and looked at her very carefully. She was flopping into a chair, completely senseless.  
"Do you really think that is enough?" Thanos asked him, with a sardonic smirk on his face. " If I remember well, the last time our paths intersected , no further meetings had been planned between us. Am I right?"

Loki winced and gulped." I had to look trustworthy to their eyes." Loki countered.

"It wasn't easy. I needed time."

"Of course", the Titan agreed, but... you know.. at some point, you looked _too_ identified with the character you were playing, if you know what I mean. Without considering that, when I came across you, several days ago, you didn't seem so glad to see me, rather- he went on- I'd swear I saw you try to run away. Another of your tricks, Asgardian?" He taunted him.

Loki felt hunted. His throat cramped and he realised he could not fail his next answer. He gathered all of his experience and lucidity, then spoke.

"The first time I met you, mighty Thanos, I was shattered and broken. You gave me a new life, a new chance and led me to a new form of knowledge I could have never reached in any other way. Yes, loyalty is not one of my strongest points but I swear to you, never in my life have I been ungrateful to those who have helped and saved me. Never."

Loki noticed that Thanos was paying attention to his words and continued.

"Your power is currently limitless, everyone's life, everyone' s single breath is in your hands now but what happens if you fall? With whom will you trust your legacy?"

"My daughters will complete the endeavour I have started", he imperturbably stated .

Loki grinned with sarcasm. "The same daughters who have betrayed you?" He poked him.

Thanos' eyes blazed with pain and resentment.  
Loki's ones blazed with triumph.

"You are alone." He uttered, articulating each word so that they could penetrate into him like daggers. "Just grant me the honour to serve you one more time and I will solve the problem."  
"How?" Thanos retorted.  
" The girl I brought you - Loki announced - she's young, healthy, quite ravishing too but most importantly, she can give you the heir you have always longed for."

He paused and waited for Thanos response, holding his breath. His jaws clamped. His lips tightened.

Thanos frowned and tapped a thoughtful finger on his lips.  
"So be it." He finally hissed through his teeth.

And Loki could breathe again.

_to be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi guys! I'm so sorry for being away for such a long time! But as Time praises those who can wait, chapter 4 is finally here and it's all for you! Enjoy and review!_

_xx_

_L._

CHAPTER 4

_Introduce a little anarchy._

_Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. _

_I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair!_

_The Joker – The Dark Knight_

_~•~•~•~_

The cold beams of the artificial light poured into the room and refracted on the transparent walls of the cell.

When lisa opened her eyes, she could see nothing but blurred shapes.

Each single fibre of her body was sore, and the air scraped the side of her lungs like sand against glass.

Her clothes had been taken away and now she was enveloped in a sleeveless scarlet silk tunic, with a fine, golden Celtic knot- embroidery inlaid on the front.

She swiped her fingers on the smooth fabric of the dress, completely in awe, when the thought of someone undressing her without her consent hit the back of her stomach and a sudden rush of stinging bile soured her throat. She swallowed hard and coughed and her breath got instantly cut, making her almost choke.

She reflexively sat up and pressed a palm deep on her chest then, As she managed to control the rhythm of her breathing again, she caught a slight movement, just like a rustle, right behind her back.

~•~•~•~

_"I assure you, brother, the sun will shine on us again "_

Thor snapped his eye open, Loki's last words still resounding in his ears. A thunder boasted aloof and the smell of rain slowly filled the air. He inhaled a deep breath and started to walk again, a foot ahead of the other, while the storm had begun to rage furiously around him.  
He had been a king, a son, a brother, and yet now he was none of them. He had been given the chance to be a right king, a son to be proud of, a protective brother but he had wasted it, by acting in a wrong way, by making the wrong choices, leading everyone and everything he loved to doom and death.

He thought about Jane and the day he had promised her he would have kept Midgard safe from any danger and the idea of that failed promise set his heart pounding.

His heavy steps creaked over the blanket of dry leaves, that covered the clearing he was crossing, and the wind kept on howling through the trees like a continuous groan of a wounded wolf.

~•~•~•~

"Welcome back" Loki hissed when Lisa turned to him. "I hope you like your acommodation. Unfortunately, the furnishings are quite shabby, but you will soon get used to it". He continued, hinting at the wooden cot which Lisa was sitting on.

His black hair was still loose, but he appeared totally different.

He was wearing his armour again and the golden inserts on it were glimmering just like his blue-shaded irises. The green cape swayed, brushing against the floor, as he walked, and all his moves were measured and composed.

Lisa studied him for a few seconds, then, her eyes fell on his right hand and both her eyebrows frowned. His thin fingers were clenched around a bronze multi- pointed staff with an iridescent stone, encased between two silver blades at the end.  
She winced and snapped up. "Where are we? What place is this?" She asked, in a higher voice than she actually expected.  
Loki shot her a disapproving glance.  
"We are Thanos' guests." He answered flatly.

Lisa blinked and gaped at him, bewildered.  
Loki's face, on the opposite, let no emotions seep out at all.  
Lisa looked at him sideways and swallowed. Her expression turned hard.  
"What's that? A weapon?" She demanded harshly, pointing at the sceptre.  
"I'd rather say a gift." Loki replied with the same impassive tone, "For the services given in those weeks. We ca—"  
Lisa let a baffled laugh out.  
"Weeks?!" She cut in in astonishment.  
"Rightly so. We arrived here eighteen days ago." He explained, quite vexed.  
Lisa frowned and paused. her eyes clouded and her heart stood still for a moment as if a frozen hand was grabbing and squeezing it.  
She sucked two deep breaths in and spoke again, trying to puzzle the most recent events into a logic scheme.

"Ok, I must have clearly missed something." She admitted. "Would you please tell me what happened ?"  
"That is exactly what I was about to do before you interrupted me". He retorted sharply.

"We came across Thanos while we were heading to North and he mercifully offered me another chance to serve him. It was truthfully unexpected thus, this time I cannot fail."  
Lisa's lips twitched in total shock. A shiver of panic crossed her spine and her guts clamped tight.

_No._

_This just could not happen again._

_Not after all she had told him._

_Not after all Thanos had done to him, to her, to everyone._

Lisa staggered closer to the side glass of the cell and leant slightly forward, searching for his gaze.

"Loki, please." She began, when she finally met it- her voice gashing desperation- Don't fall into his trap. Let me out of here, let's go away."  
He narrowed his eyes and cantered his head ."Let you out?" He repeated. A wicked grim wrinkled his mouth. "You are my pass to glory and freedom Why should I ever do that?"

"Loki, listen." She insisted firmly. "I don't know what that staff does, but I'm pretty sure it's controlling you; it's ensnaring your senses. Please, give it up, be reasonable!"  
"You wouldn't be here if I hadn't been reasonable." He countered coldly.

"You should only thank me for being alive and yet, I can't see your gratitude" he added.  
Lisa closed her eyes for a moment and sighed.

"Come on, Loki. Of course, I do thank you for what you've done! Don't misunderstand my words. But I still need you and above all, I truly need you to be _rational_. Have you forgotten why we started this journey?"

Loki gave her a breathless mocking laugh.

"You, silly girl" He murmured, shaking his head. "So hopelessly devoted to your tiny idealistic world. Love, hope, trust... so pathetic" He stated, rolling his eyes with annoyance."  
Lisa fell silent. Crystal tears started to tumble and glitter over her cheeks. She glared out at the floor

"It's preposterous. He is a fool and an impostor." She muttered bitterly. "Preposterous is your insane optimism" He shot back.  
"He slaughtered your people right in front of you and you still side with him!" She abruptly stormed, with fury blazing in her eyes.  
"Death was the alternative!" Loki snarled in response.  
"What kind of life is that? Stuck in here as a wild animal to tame." She asked lowering her voice.  
"The only you can have now." He surly replied.  
"Loki! I beg you!" She pleaded one last time. "Help me find my child, please."  
He stared long at her, his heart sinking, then for a bunch of seconds, he looked away, his eyes flickered in uncertainty.  
"Your child does no longer exist." He straightened frostily in the end. "And this cannot be changed."


	5. Chapter 5

_Hello guys! I missed you so much! Summer is nearly over but luckily, our bitter-sweet god of mischief has still a lot to live and tell! _

_Enjoy! _

_xx_

_L._

CHAPTER 5

_Hush, child  
The darkness will rise from the deep  
And carry you down into sleep  
Child, the darkness will rise from the deep  
And carry you down into sleep.  
Guileless son,  
I'll shape your belief  
And you'll always know that your father's a thief  
And you won't understand the cause of your grief  
But you'll always follow the voices beneath loyalty.  
_

_Mordred's lullaby  
_

~•~•~•~

Thanos was sitting in silence, his eyes blankly towards the girl. Around him, his army was poised, waiting for his orders. He tilted his head and rubbed his chin with a finger.

"Call the Trickster." He murmured in the end.  
Loki was not slow to arrive. When his slender figure entered the room, the light thud of his steps was the only noise to be heard and his curved- horns helmet shone bright under the light of the torches. A deep wrinkle, right between his eyebrows, furrowed his forehead and made his expression a bit vexed  
"Have I troubled your sleep, Laufey son?" The titan teased him, as their gazes met.  
"Nights are too precious to be wasted on sleeping". He replied calmly. "How may I serve you my lord?". He asked.  
Thanos narrowed his eyes for some seconds, studying him; then spoke, uttering slowly each word.  
"I need another proof of your gratitude, Asgardian". He said.  
"Anything you desire my lord, but if I am allowed, once again, I am not Asgardian." He clarified, careful not to displease him.  
Thanos raised an eyebrow, without answering back and beckoned at one of his servants.  
" The dagger". He said peremptorily.

As the servant accomplished his will, a sharp silver blade appeared into his hands, glimmering, when the moonbeams poured on it. He lifted it closer to his eyes to examine it with care; then, started to glide his forefinger all over the cutting edge of the knife.

"That girl saved me." He said. "She saved us all". "Too bad she won't know." He concluded, when he reached the top of the blade.  
He lingered on the pointy extremity for a short while; afterwards, with a sudden movement, he plunged it deep into his fingertip, letting dense red blood drops ooze from the split skin. Loki winced, whereas the titan's mouth lifted in a faint smirk.  
"Excelent weapon." He stated. "Nevertheless, I wonder if you possess the same mastery." He added, mockingly.  
Loki tightened his jaws. "Try me". He challenged him.  
"Very well." He shot back, as if he had been hoping for that response. He stood up and gave Loki the blade.  
"Cut her throat". He commended.  
Loki blinked. His guts turned over "Pardon?" He asked, horrified.

"You heard me well." Thanos flatly answered.

You gave me your word you wouldn't have harmed her in any way!" Loki retorted

"Indeed, that's why I'm asking _you _to do it." He replied with a wicked, satisfied smile.

Thanos stood up and loomed over him but Loki did not step back. He lifted his chin and kept his gaze on him.

"Is that hesitation or cowardice?" The titan taunted him again.

Loki swallowed hard and bit the inside of his cheek not to counter.

Thanos chuckled bitterly. "Choose"- he said through his teeth- "her throat or yours"

Loki flinched. He grabbed the knife and took some steps aside. "As you wish, my lord." He finally hissed.

~•~•~•~

_The rain was whipping wildly against the windows of the palace and Loki knew it would have soon turned into a storm. He felt his stomach knotting while his heart started to hammer so fast inside his chest, that it almost hurt. Her mother, instead, looked not worried at all, so absorbed as she was, in the book she was reading. Her pupils were fixed on the pages and he could even catch a blaze of amusement rushing through them.  
When a lightening slayed the sky, with a sudden boast, Loki was caught by surprise. He startled so violently that he hit his shoulder against the door and the pillow he was holding, fell off his hands with a dull thud.  
"Hello Loki" she greeted him from the cot she was lying on. There was nor surprise, nor amazement in her tone.  
Loki moved some shy steps forward and stopped under the full light of the chamber.  
"Hello mother" he answered below his breath, deeply embarrassed.  
"I was wondering how long you meant to stay hidden behind that door" she added with a sly smile. Loki gulped and ducked his head. Every single shade of red spread over his cheeks.  
"I...I must have sleepwalked and got lost he tried to explain, staring at the floor you were reading and I didn't mean to disturb you."_

"_Of course". Frigga replied with a nod of understanding. "So, you're not hiding because you're scared of the storm. Are you?" She inquired, keeping her smile on.  
_

_Loki snapped his head up. His face clouded. _

_He suddenly felt tears of pride and resentment pushing against the verge of his eyes and swallowed to hold them back. His lower lip began to quiver  
"I'm not that weak". He lied, turning his back on her mother.  
Frigga sighed deeply and cantered her head.  
"Loki, my child come here, come and sit next to me." She begged him.  
__Loki sobbed. __For a few seconds, anger kept twitching his face._

_ He turned fumingly towards her, ready to shot her one of his sharp retort but when he met her gaze, the tension in his body eased and his forehead and cheekbones slowly smoothed.  
Without saying a word, he run to her , got up on the cot and let her warm hug overwhelm him.  
"Fear is not a weakness" she told him, wiping smoothly his dried tears away, without it, courage would not exist."  
He gave her a small smile in response and leant his head against her breast._

_ Then, safe in her arms, he closed her eyes and fell asleep, cradled by the soft sound of her mother's heartbeat._

~•~•~•~

The same cot that centuries earlier had witnessed that tender embrace, was now hosting Lisa. Her eyelids down. She looked just asleep but Loki sensed that something was wrong with her. His eyes darted from a point to another of her figure.

She was still wearing the red tunic she had on, the last time he had seen her but she was barefoot and her hair, now partly loose, was hanging out in dishevelled locks, over the squared marble floor.

Loki cautiously stepped closer and lowered his gaze on her; through the cloth brushing against her feet, he glimpsed purple- rimmed bruises marking her ankles, while on her belly, a large irregular spot made the fabric darker.

He clumsily stretched his wrist out to reach it and as his fingertips met the fabric, it felt hot and drenched. Reflexively he withdrew his arm and turned his hand up. Fresh blood stained his palm.  
Loki's eyes widened in utter bewilderment, his bowels constricted.  
"What have you done to her? You filthy animal!" He harshly snarled to the Mad Titan, completely out of control.

He approached him, the dagger still gripped in his fist, his irises blazing with fury.

"I said, what have you done to her?" He yelled at him.  
Thanos didn't moved a inch of his muscles. That grin of mockery was still printed on his face.  
"You have not changed, Trickster, and you never will." He just commented in a scornful voice.  
Loki suddenly halted.

A flash of shrewdness made his eyes sparkle.

He let the dagger go and clamped his fingers down on Lisa's wrist.  
"Yes." He answered. "I think you are quite right."

From the spread palm of his left hand a blue light swirled and jolted, a second later, the Tesseract came out in all its glimmering perfection.  
"I will never change." he confirmed, gloating at Thanos' shocked expression.

Then, before a sound could emerge from the titan's parted lips, they both disappeared in the blink of an eye.


	6. Chapter 6

_Hello guys! I've just got back from Ireland and missed you all! It was such a magical trip! Those landscapes, that sea… I'm still speechless! This journey really inspired me a lot and gave me new ideas and perspectives… well, let's see where they will lead me… in the meantime, enjoy this new chapter and let me know what you think of it. I'm open to all sort of suggestions!_

_xx_

_L._

CHAPTER 6

The night was silent and moonless. A layer of hoarfrost covered the grass and the leaves and a cold wind shook the leafy branches of the trees.

Next to a little glaring fire, Loki was breathing quietly, his legs crossed and his eyes focused on the horizon. In front of him, the lake murmured smoothly, rippled by the late- autumn gust.  
He knew those woods like anyone else and even though he hadn't planned to end up there, maybe unconsciously, he had felt somewhat shielded by those trees, which had mutely stored his childhood memories in their roots and trunks for ages and in that moment, that seemed to him the rightest place to hide, to be safe and to find a new way to deceive Death once again.  
All of a sudden, a feeble moan came out of Lisa' semi-parted lips and her marble- white face twitched for a little while.

He immediately stood up and rushed to her. His pupils careful to catch even the slightest detail. Her whole body was shaking with shivers and her skin was frozen.  
"It's all lright, it' alright." Loki whispered, soothingly caressing her forehead.

Then, with no hesitation, he took his cape off and laid it over her, so that no cold air could seep under it.  
"I'm here". He added in a low voice, holding her hand tight.  
For a few instants, Loki stayed beside her, his fingers clung to hers, without moving or speaking. Afterwards, when the flare of the flames began to grow dim, he stepped again close to the dying fire and sat ahead of it, rubbing his hands together to keep them warm.

He shuddered and embraced himself, clenching his teeth, then closed his eyes and let his mind drift away, back to those times in Asgard, when everything was easier and his biggest concern was looking as strong and fast as Thor was, to impress and amuse his friends, during the feasts and the games they used to play together.

~•~•~•~

_Thor sniffed noisily and crossed his arms on his chest. His eyes watery and swollen._

_"Leave me alone!" He snarled, glimpsing the frame of his younger brother on the threshold of his bedroom.  
Loki though, ignored completely his words, entered the room and sat on the bed, near him, pretending not to notice the tears trailing down on his brother's cheeks.  
_

_Then, he took a deep breath and fixed his eyes on his hands, focusing on his fingers. _

_He spread them, swirled them and finally, closed them into fists and waited.  
_

_In the meantime, still by his side, Thor had stopped weeping, whilst his neck had slowly stretched out beyond his brother's shoulder.  
When Loki re-opened his fists, Thor nearly fell off the bed and his sea- blue pupils widened in awe and excitement.  
_

_"Do it again!" He cried out. "Please, please, please!" _

_Loki raised both his eyebrows and let a slight giggle come out.  
"Ok, ok." He eventually yielded when Thor began to shake him vehemently.  
_

_As soon as his fingers moved, fluorescent sparkles of silver and green light shot out from his palms, like comets tails and danced slenderly in the air, lightening up the room, under Loki's skilful command. _

_Afterwards, with a quick gesture, he clamped his hands again and right as they had appeared, the sparkles vanished in an instant.  
"What about a stroll on Midgard?" Loki proposed at once.  
Thor blinked, still quite astonished and both sides of his mouth suddenly lowered. His expression hardened. _

_"Thanks, but I don't feel like going." He stated flatly.  
"You don't?" Loki replied pretty surprised.  
Thor shook his head resolutely.  
Loki narrowed his eyes and gave him a sideways look_

_. For a handful of seconds, he turned pensive then, when he got what was going on, his face soothed and he came closer to his brother. _

_"You can't. Can you?" He whispered, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder._

_ Thor's silence confirmed his suspects.  
Loki heaved a sigh and started walking up and down the chamber. _

_"Ok, Father forbid it- he began after a short pause - but... He doesn't necessarily have to know it." He concluded with a sly smirk. "Do you know what I mean?"  
Thor furrowed his forehead and swiped a finger over his lips.  
"Mmh.." He murmured thoughtfully, "honestly I don't, brother. How could we pretend to be here while we're somewhere else?" He asked slightly confused.  
_

_Loki lifted the right corner of his mouth. "Watch this" he said and stepped back. _

_With his eyes closed, he exhaled to gather his energy then arched his back and pushed his arms forward. In that exact moment, a perfect projection of himself and Thor materialised right in front of him as if their souls had been split in different parts.  
_

_"W-what is it?" Thor stammered gaping at Loki in bewilderment.  
"It's us!" Loki replied with satisfaction.  
Thor moved some shy steps ahead and approached the two figures, clumsily reaching his hand out to touch them. _

_"It's unbelievable." He added below his breath.  
Loki shrugged. "It's just magic" he minimised but Thor was looking at him completely blown away by his ability.  
"Did Mother teach this to you?" Thor asked  
"Yes." Loki answered with a demure smile.  
" Wow! She can be really proud of you!" Thor praised him.  
A broader smile run through Loki's lips and he blushed.  
"Let's go now" he urged, changing the subject." It will soon get dark."  
Thor run to the door and turned to his brother.  
"Are you sure nobody will notice?" He asked, a bit concerned.  
Loki nodded and took him by the hand.  
"Trust me, brother". He said.  
__And so did Thor._

~•~•~•~

"Believe me! The gauntlet does no longer exist!" Tony Stark protested. I saw it collapse under the power of the stones!"

"What you saw is irrelevant!" Natasha Romanoff retorted sharply. "As far as we know, the stones are still with Thanos and He will soon-  
"Not all of them, my dear". A voice behind them cut in.

They all suddenly turned around and once identified the source of that voice, they gave each other shocked looks, uncapable of uttering a single word.

Steve Rogers was the first one who managed to speak again.  
"Welcome back Doctor!" He exclaimed hugging Strange warmly. "It's good to have you here again."  
"You saw him die too, Stark, didn't you?" He added with bitter sarcasm. "Very reliable". He muttered trough his teeth.  
"We all saw him vanish, Steve." Natasha interjected  
"Yes, I'm afraid this time Mr. Stark is right, Captain." Strange apologised.

"That mad titan tried to rub me out but it really needs much more than this to get rid of me." He joked.

"Banner! By the way! He then said, greeting him with a handshake, "how about your anger- management issues?"  
"Almost solved, Doctor." Bruce answered with a crocked smile.

"Ok, that's enough!" Tony snapped roughly, at once, slamming both palms on the table. It's getting ridiculous, rather, YOU all are getting ridiculous." He hissed, pointing his forefinger against the others.  
"Pardon?" Steve shot back, vexed.  
Tony lowered his head and gave out a breathless, incredulous chuckle.

For a moment, he stared blankly at the floor then, his eyes raised up and he turned serious again.  
"Half the population out there has disappeared. Just... gone... I mean, in a second, including this men here." He said, hinting at Strange. "He turned into ash right in front of me." He paused and took a deep breath. "Now, he came up, out of nowhere, in his very flesh and bones and yet, you act like a ragtag group of silly teenagers at a freaking high- school get-together dinner!"  
"Yes, you're right again, Tony." Strange replied calmly. I know I owe you more than one explanation and I definitely will. But not now. There are still things I have to figure out." He firmly stated.

"As for the stones instead, he went on, not all of them are with Thanos. An old friend of ours has recently found one or better still, he took it back."  
"Loki." Natasha guessed with disappointment.  
"Exactly." Strange confirmed. "Clever as usual, Agent Romanoff."  
"What are his intentions?" She inquired.  
"Let's find him and make him tell us" Steve proposed with blazing eyes.

His hands clenched in fists and finally, after a long time, he felt the fire of a new challenge arising in his chest. Now, he was ready to fight again.

~•~•~•~

_The growl grew longer and closer in the semi-darkness of the twilight. _

_Thor crouched down into the blueberry bushes and held his breath, petrified. _

_The mist made his vision blurred. A wave of terror overwhelmed him and his whole body began to shiver violently.  
"I must be brave, I must be brave, as mother told me." He kept saying to himself, while big hot tears tumbled over his face. _

_Then, the amber irises of the wolf found him and for a long instant, his heart set frozen.  
The animal took some steps back, gnashed its teeth and poised ready to pounce on his prey.  
"Take this, you filthy beast!"  
Loki's piercing voice suddenly echoed throughout the trees and a deep yelp rose.  
"Run, brother! Quick!"  
Thor wiggled out trying to set free of the thorns but the more he moved, the more he got caught.  
"I can't!" He cried. "I'm stuck!"  
Loki's eyes flickered around for a few moments, considering every option.  
"Ok, don't move, I'll come and get you out!" He eventually yelled back.  
He rushed to his brother and with his bare hands, he jostled trough the thorny bushes.  
"No, please, you'll get wounded!" Thor begged him.  
"Eir will fix this." Loki reassured him._

_ He grabbed his brother's arm and plucked at it until the branches broke and Thor could finally come out. He clumsily took some steps forward but as he moved, he misbalanced and fell over.  
"It bit me", he explained with a suffering voice, "I think it's serious."  
Loki lowered his eyes and winced. His guts constricted.  
The cloth of Thor's trousers was ripped and a bad gash on his left calf was pulsing and oozing blood.  
He sucked in a deep breath and tightened his jaws.  
"Let me have a look." He softly said. "Maybe I can do something."  
Thor limped to the closest tree and sat down, easing his shoulders. Loki went down on his knees and sat on his heels, in front of his brother.  
"I'm not sure but I think this will hurt." He warned him.  
"Not more than it is already hurting." Thor replied with an encouraging smile.  
"Alright" Loki nodded. He spread his hands open, over the wound and focused his eyes on it._

_ His wrists and fingers trembled but for several minutes, nothing happened. Then, suddenly a bright green flare emanated from his palms and slowly reached Thor's injured leg. _

_The muscle spasmed violently and Thor gritted his teeth in pain without uttering a word. Loki swallowed hard, his eyes turned watery but didn't stop the magic._

"_Hold on, Thor." He muttered. "One more minute, I promise."  
And when the skin turned smooth again and the cut vanished he finally relaxed his hands and let himself go against the trunk, exhausted. His face pale and his forehead soaking with sweat._

_"I'm sorry." He whispered after a long silence. "I shouldn't have brought you here. I've been stupid and irresponsible." He admitted with no excuses. _

_"Father was right, this place is dangerous and we're still too young to come here without him." _

_Both backs of his hands were covered with scratches and yet no trace of pain could be seen on Loki's face. Regret and weariness whereas, were quite evident.  
"Don't blame yourself, brother" Thor said, trying to comfort him. _

_"You just wanted to make me happy"  
"Yes, and I almost killed you," He countered scornfully  
"Actually, that wolf almost killed me, not you "Thor joked but all he got in return was a pointed glance from his younger brother.  
Thor made a pause, snapped his lips and tried again.  
"Ok, true, we risked our lives today. But you, Loki, you saved me and healed me. This means that as long as we're together, nothing can hurt us because we'll always be stronger." He concluded. Then, before his brother could give him any reply, he approached him and hold him tight in a wordless hug full of pride and gratitude._


	7. Chapter 7

_Here I am again guys! I kinda disappeared but I thought about you every singole day! I really struggled to write this new chapter but I really wished to have it finished within Christmas, to give it to you as a gift._

_Have a great day y'all!_

_Enjoy! xx_

_L _

CHAPTER 7

The sky was still dark but the flares of the incoming dawn were starting to seep trough the clouds. Loki snapped his eyes open and pulled himself up. He exhaled deeply and enjoyed those last moments of silence, just before the new day broke trough. That old memory had hit his mind like an arrow and yet, he couldn't help smiling slightly with nostalgia. Yes, he had been scolded and the punishment had been hard but he had bore it with dignity and composiness, whithout sheding a single tear because on that day, for the first time in many years, he had felt useful, accepted and the pride he had seen in his brother's eyes, was worth, alone, a million punishments and scoldings. On that day, he had saved Thor with no tricks, or deceptions but only with his own ability, the one he had learnt through hard work and sleepless nights: the power to heal with magic. 

~•~•~•~

"I do appreciate your enthusiasm, Captain." Strange said cautiously. "But leaving this place is not advisable at the moment, we cannot move now."  
Steve's expression frowned and his smile faded .  
"Yes." Natasha confirmed. "First of all, we have to decide what to do, where to start. Only then we can think of going away."  
Steve nodded but didn't give any reply.  
"So... it's only us... " Bruce stated shyly.  
"I'm afraid so." Cap answered serious.  
"What about Pointbreak?" Tony asked all of a sudden. "Any news?" His eyes darted from Natasha to Strange and finally to Steve and Bruce, longing for a positive response but as soon as his glance met theirs, his hope gradually blew out like a candle flame.

"Very well, we'll ask his crazy brother. He will surely know where he is." Tony muttered in the end. "Moving to the next matter - he went on, swallowing hard to hide his scorn - as we definitely need a plan, could anyone, more precisely you, Doctor, enlighten me about the fate of the stones?" He added with a shade of impatience in his voice.  
Strange, who untill that moment had been of fewest words , stood up, and knotted his fingers . Everyone was looking at him, holding their breath and for a second, he felt like he had stepped back in time, when he was still Stephen Strange, the best surgeon in the world and people craved his opinion and his knowledge.  
"As Agent Romanoff correctly said, he began, walking up and down the shelter, the stones are with Thanos, except for the Tesseract, which is with the son of Laufey."

"But - he continued after a short pause, nor Thanos, nor Loki can currently use them." His lips wrinkled in a faint smirk of triumph while Steve Bruce and Natasha gave each others uncertain looks. Tony, on the contrary, was staring away, blankly, his eyes narrowed.

"The stones are semi-sentient beings - Strange went on explaining - and until they are kept separated, they are- somewhat - autonomous. They alone choose who is the most suitable owner and Thanos has already had his chance. Besides, only if he had them all he could find an alternative way to use them.  
"Would the gauntlet help?" Natasha inquired.  
"Yes definitely. It works as a catalyst. It canalised the energy and in a way, snares the stones which, reunited, loose their autonomy and operate as a whole, single entity but luckly for us , the gauntlet does not longer exist and plus, Thanos does not possess all the stones. As for Loki, instead, he's simply too weak to use anything. It's even plausible that the stones agree to be used but there's an essential aspect about them : they are sources of energy and as such, they requires a certain amount of energy to be used; energy which, as I said, Loki does not have at the moment."  
"Why not?" Natasha insisted.  
"Because of Asgard. It has fallen and the few Asgardians left are scattered and far from each other." Strange replied laconically.

"Please Doctor, can you give us any further datail?" she asked it kindly but her tone showed a strong determination as well.

"Once again it's a matter of energy." Strange patiently clarified . "All the Asgardians have some powers... abilities wich grows taking strenght from each other. Asgard was not properly the source of those powers but acted like a sort of glue that kept all the Asgardians together.  
"As far as I know, Loki is not Asgardian" Steve objected.  
"No, he's not , not by birth at least, Strange said , but since he stepped into Asgard, he became one of them so... different blood but same rules." He concluded shrugging.  
"This means our little deer is nothing but a mere mortal?" Tony gloated, moving his attention back on the group.  
"No Mr Stark." Strange retorted coldly. "This means we definitely are advantaged but we still have a lot of questions to solve."

_Tbc…_


	8. Chapter 8

_The journey goes on, readers! Just a little warning before you start: some parts of this new chapter could be harsh to read ( this is why I decided to rate this story M and not T, as I did with "Trickster") so, feel free to stop or make a pause if it troubles you or hurts your feelings in any way._

_And by the way: let me know what you think, if you wish!_

_Xx_

_L._

CHAPTER 8

Lisa kept on sobbing and moaning in her sleep. Loki crouched beside her and gently uncovered the wound on her belly. As he saw it, his stomach knotted tight. The herbs he had used to cautelyse it, had not worked and it was still swollen and purulent. He bit the inside of his cheek and shook his head, won by that new failure; but the frustration that for a bunch of seconds burned in his veins, turned soon in a blazing desire of revenge: clenching his jaws, he stared thoughtfully at his hand palms. The skin was wrinkled and dried by the cold and his white fingers were purple- pitched in some points. Nevertheless, he felt deep inside that his power had not completely exhausted and even if that had been his last chance, it was undoubtedly worth trying .  
With no hesitation, Loki stood up and oriented his hands towards Lisa. Then, exhaled deeply and let the magic rush out.  
Instantly, it was like sharp flames devoured his flesh piece by piece, forcing him to crumble to his knees. His breath cut out and his vision went fuzzy. Tears of effort trailed along his face but he struggled not to unfocus and break the contact. Only when the pain bacame delirious, his heart began to beat slower and he felt his muscles about to burst, he let it go and utterly overwhelmed by weakness, curled on the grass and closed his eyes.

Three days after, Loki still felt wrecked. Every breath hit like a blade trough his ribs and whenever he tried to move, it was like someone squeezed his lungs violently. In spite of this precarious physical condition, his senses were still quick and alert, ready to catch even the tiniest sign of improvement from Lisa. The wound appeared clean and almost completely healed and fever had lowered; yet, she was quite far from recovery. Loki sighed and frowned hard. His magic had worked, he was sure about that, so why did she still look so troubled and worn- out? He just couldn't fathom it. He stumbled, got up from the ground and started to walk nervously up and down the clearing; his brow thight, as he looked for a logical explanation. Then, a sudden thought blew his mind and made him shiver. What if the bruises covering Lisa's body were just the tip of the iceberg? Just a small part of something inner and worse? His guts clamped and his heart set pounding. A new heavy rush of nausea soured his throat. His face reflexively twitched and tilted his head sideways, trying to get rid of that hideous idea. The doubt anyway, had wormed its way into his brain and however hard he tried to put it aside, it ensnared his senses and tortured him pauselessly.  
Loki remained poised for a while as his thoughs drifted furiously away but eventually, he surrendered and moved. He laid a hand on Lisa's forehead and after a few seconds, summoned all his bravery and made a slight pressure with his palm, ready to face that fear which was silently eating away at him.

~•~•~•~

Darkness fell all around. Loki swallowed but didn't make a sound. He felt his cosciousness splitting in two and one part of it being thrown into an endless abyss but he didn't resist. He twirled like a splinter shot in the sky and only when he touched the ground, he dared breathe again.  
He blinked and let his eyes flicker. The room he was in, was empty and neon- lightened. A sinister buzz filled the silence and the walls were dazzling- white. He had been in a place like that on Midgard, once, and even though he was dizzy, he instantly identified the same acrid smell and discomfortable excess of light.  
He heard some steps approaching and his bowels instinctively tensed. However, he kept calm, aware that he was wandering into a memory and no one could have ever seen or touched him.  
As the door opened, Loki gaped in astonishment : two members of the Black Order were escorting a woman. Her lips tightened, her glance severe and her hair tied dishevelledly in a bun. She looked aged and weary, but her bearing still kept that pride that only Asgardians had and that made Loki's heart almost explode with joy and sadness, at the same time. It didn't take him much to recognise Eir, in that female figure. She was the healer of Asgard, as well as one of the most faithful servant of his mother, Frigga.  
Their voices came out blurred and low, as if they were underwater, so Loki had to step a little closer to catch their words.  
"It's time". Ebony Maw said to her. "Our Lord trusts in your experience and so do we but you know what only one misstep can lead to". He added with stern.  
Eir didn't show any awe at that threat, and her expression didn't change either.  
"Bring here the girl and leave." She just muttered and then, she looked away.  
Loki waited immobile, his breath held. His fists were so clenched he felt his nails plunge into the skin. For an instant, he regretted being there and tried to go back, but when the door opened again, he froze and forced himself to stay. He had to. For her daughter, for Lisa, for their future.

~•~•~•~

Eir washed carefully her hands and wiped them. Afterwards, with calibrated movemens, she pressed over Lisa's abdomen with her palms and fingertips. Her moves were rapid and confident and in front of that mastery, Loki felt safe. Not even a moment after, though, his relief turned into utter bewilderment as he saw Eir grab a scalpel from the stock of surgical tools behind her. She swiped the blade over a candle flame and with stunning precision, made a deep cut right under Lisa' s navel.  
Loki's eyes widened in shock, he wished he could cry but no tears or voice could came out of him  
Blood gushed and spurted from the open wound and Eir promptly plugged it. Then, when the bleeding reduced, she broadened the two edges of skin and with terrifying unaffectedness, pull the whole womb out of Lisa'abdomen and secured it in a sterilised box.  
Loki stepped back horrified. His stomach turned over. Intense spasms began to rush trough his spine and shake him. The woman who had healed and comforted him so many times in his childood and youth had now turned into a monster. That plain certainty totally devasted him. He put both his arms around his middle to regain control over his body and mind and ground his teeth. Salted tears reached his mouth and tongue but he tried with all his will to keep his eyes shut, until he felt himself floating and tossing and finally, hitting the grass of the clearing. His heartbeat was hammering in his temples and something felt loose in his back. He sucked in a deep breath, rolled over his left side and collapsed in the silence of the winter night.


	9. Chapter 9

_These are strange strange days, people out here are going slightly mad but when I sit in my garden, with the sun kissing my cheeks, I found my tiny moment of happiness. I truly hope that by reading this lines, you can find yours!_

_Enjoy!_

_xx_

_L._

CHAPTER 9 

_My past has tasted bitter  
For years now  
So I wield an iron fist  
Grace is just weakness  
Or so I've been told  
I've been cold, I've been merciless  
But the blood on my hands scares me to death  
Maybe I'm waking up today_

_Jaymes Young –" I'll be good"_

_~•~•~•~_

When Loki woke up, the following morning, the dawn was pushing its way hard through the outcoming night and the sky looked mashed up. For the first time after a long time, Lisa was sitting, awake; her shoulders against the trunk of a oak; nevertheless, she still resembled a marionette whose strings had been cut. Loki didn't even remember how long he had been waiting for that moment, and yet, seeing her responsive again , caught him unprepared and threw him in a state of agitation and discomfort. He swallowed hard and stepped towards her. Then, he crouched beside her, without saying a word. Her profile stood imobile in the early- morning light.  
"Lisandra " he eventually whispered, filled with unease. Her gaze was blank and she gave no hint of comprehension. It was like her body was there while her mind, lost, miles away .  
"Lis, darling, it's me" Loki tried again. He streched out his fingers and gently brushed the back of her hand.  
That soft touch was like a jolt to her and her reaction came sudden and violent: she reflexively jerked her arm and legs back and with the other hand, pushed him away with such a brute force, that Loki misbalanced and fell ruinously on his back , smashing his right shoulder blade into a stone. The sore pain cut his breath out and for a moment, his vision went fuzzy. When he finally picked himself up, his still bewildered eyes met Lisa's and the deep, irrational, furious scorn he read in them shook him to the core and gave him shivers.

~•~•~•~ 

The rest of the week went by with a draining slowness and the conversation between them didn't experience any improvement. Loki was still too troubled by what he had seen Lisa, on the other hand, still carrying the burden of the violence she had undergone, had chosen to entrench herself behind a deafening silence, and refused any kind of contact, either verbal or phisical with his travel companion. Sometimes, when he faked not to notice , she gave him quick, shy glances but the memories of the turtures she had been victim of, were still too vivid for her ricovery to be fast.  
One night, after a frugal meal, Loki had picked some bluebells for her and had placed them by her side. A simple , apparently insignificant gesture but when he saw her lips wrinkled by a slight smile, that gesture appeared like a great achievement to him because, despite minimal, it gave him the hope of being on the right path to take her away from her demons.

"Tess" she murmured unexpectedly the evening after, making Loki's heart sink once again.  
"Pardon?" He asked . His eyes widened in surprise.  
"Tess" she repeated, keeping her gaze on the dazzling fire. It's my daugther's name. "Theresa, actually." She added. "I'd never told you."  
"Thank you for sharing this with me." Loki replied, sincerely moved but Lisa had already stopped listening to him and had gone back holing up in her silence.

~•~•~•~ 

"Away from me!" Lisa hissed fiercely as Loki knealed next to her, to medicate her wound. This time, though, he kept still and went on.  
"Your wound still need treatments". He explained to her patiently. "Just some minutes and I'll leave you alone, you won't even feel it. Trust me. "  
She glared at him " Trust?" She seethed. "Who? You? No, thanks, I will never make this mistake again. The last time I gave you my trust , you threw me like a bone to that merciless godless animal, without batting an eye." Loki stiffened about to talk back but she hushed him harshly. "Don't you dare! There's no excuse for what you have done to me. At least have the decency not to waste your breath and keep your mouth shut."  
Loki fell silent. In other circumstances he would have easily found some sharp words to retort but in that occasion, he felt filthy and defenselessly exposed. That was the plain truth and there was really nothing else to say. 


	10. Chapter 10

_Hello my dear readers! This is by far one of my favourite chapters! I really put all of my heart in writing it and I hope you'll appreciate my efforts_

_Enjoy and review!_

_Lots of love,_

_L._

CHAPTER 10

_What have I done?__  
__I wish I could run,__  
__away from this ship going under__  
__just trying to help out everyone else__  
__now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders_

_ what can you do when your good isn't good enough__  
__and all that you touch tumbles down?__  
__'cause my best intentions__  
__keep making a mess of things_

_I just wanna fix it somehow.__  
__but how many times will it take?__  
__oh, how many times will it take for me, to get it right?_

_Get it right- Lea Michele _

_~•~•~•~_

Loki woke up with a start. His forehead drenched with sweat. He blinked and focused immediatly. His eyes darted around and glimmered. Then they caught Lisa knelt down right by his left forearm . Her fingers curled around it. She was shaking him violently. His eyebrows drew together. He glanced at her.

Her gaze was cautious but unafraid.

"Sorry", she whispered. "You were groaning in your sleep, it looked like you were having a nightmare. I though I should wake you up."  
Loki thanked her with a nod, then sighed. Surprisingly she was still there.

"Lisa" he began, lowering his eyes again. "I- "

The words snaggered in his throat. He could feel her eyes run across him, waiting and studying him. He pressed his fingers on his nose bridge and swallowed twice, fighting bile back.  
She abruptly got up. "I've already told you", she cut in. "If you're trying to apologise, don't waste your breath. It's useless."

Loki met her eyes again. Her expression had hardened. This time, though, he held his look up .  
"No, it's not". He shot back. and his right hand clutched her wrist.  
Lisa stiffed. Her teeth gritted. "Let me go."  
"His grip got tighter. "Listen to me and I will".  
Lisa glared at him, fuming .  
"Let me go, I said. You're hurting me". She snarled trough her teeth. Her voice trembling.  
Loki raised an eyebrow. " Am I? Are you sure? Actually the choice is only yours." He pointed out.  
Lisa's fingertips started slowly to turn white and tingling rushed trough the nerves of her hand like a rain of pins. She flinched and eventually gave in.  
"Speak." She muttered scowling.

And the thight grip released her wrist.

Loki's eyes twinkled and a slight smirk of triumph crept over his lips ; not more than an istant later, however, it faded and his mouth downturned in a frown. His long dark eyelashes brushed the downside of his sockets as he blinked.

~•~•~•~

"I'm perfectly aware I will never deserve a shred of your forgiveness for what I have done. That's why I won't ask for it. What I just want you to know is that I'd take all your grief upon my shoulders, if only I were sure that this would make you feel better." He said that straight. No pauses, no uncertainties, as if those words had always been there, just waiting for the right moment to come out.  
Lisa stood silent. Her face completely emotionless.  
"You sound really sorry." She stated after a while, faking awe. Loki lowered his chin and narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out what she was getting at. "I mean, you are so good at apologising! You have quite a gift!" She went on. Then she halted for a second. Scorn flashed over her face.  
"How sad you're not as talented at not messing things up". she concluded in a surly tone .  
Loki clicked his tongue and exhaled "Lisandra, I sound sorry because I actually am." He countered. "Believe me, I do understand what you have been trough."  
She shook his head and let a bitter smile out. "I dont think so."  
"I do, Lisa."  
She clenched her hands to fists but kept her face clear, to control herself.  
"Have you ever been raped?" She sharply snapped. Her lips started to quiver as she struggled not to cry. " Three... four times a day... for _weeks_. Do you have the faintest idea of how it feels?" She rasped, holding back the sobs.  
"No but"- he attempted below his breath.  
"Loki, please. Let's end this farce here. She chocked. And that sounded more like a pleading than a simple request.  
For a long moment none of them uttered a word and Loki wondered how such a fragile human being could carry so much pain without falling to pieces. Then, out of the blue, he said it.

Clearly.

Deliberately.

"I delved into your memories.I saw every single thing they did to you".

Lisa gasped. Her face twiched in disbelief.  
" You what?" She whispered.  
Loki fell silent. His whole frame tensed  
"You did _what_?" She asked again, utterly baffled. He remained in front of her. Frozen.

Tears had now won their way out and trailed along her cheeks .  
"How could you -" she whined " W-why?"  
Loki swallowed hard. His voice muffled. "I had to. It was my very last option. I tried to heal you, in any way possible. Even magic, but nothing seemed to work properly. Up until the last instant I was torn about whether to do it or not but in the end, I had to."  
Lisa's red- rimmed eyes sparkled with tears as she glowered at him.  
"You were slipping away from me and I just couldn't let it happen." He admitted in a sorrowful whisper. "I had no choice."  
"You had." She retorted, glancing away. "You've always had, but you made it the moment you left me there and let him seize my dignity as a human being, as a woman and as a _mother_."  
Loki's guts knotted. His heart started hammering in his chest.  
_she had memories of what Eir had done to her._  
"What do you remember about those weeks?" He hoarsed.  
"Everything."  
His jaws clamped shut.  
"I've always looked unconscious but I've never been. He knew it."  
His eyebrows went up. His lips parted.  
He took a step back.  
Another.  
His eyes flickered as dismay overwhelmed him and something in his very inside shattered.

_"You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain"_  
Those old, blurred words he thought he had forgotten , suddenly jumped out vivid, clawing at his brain. But only in that moment he clearly saw what they really, deeply, meant.


	11. Chapter 11

_My dearest readers, this new chapter is for each and everyone of you, to make you all feel my support in this very tough time we are going through. _

_Stay safe and take care!_

_With loads and loads of love,_

_Lucy_

CHAPTER 11

_Out of the night that covers me,__  
__Black as the pit from pole to pole,__  
__I thank whatever gods may be__  
__For my unconquerable soul.__  
__In the fell clutch of circumstance__  
__I have not winced nor cried aloud.__  
__Under the bludgeonings of chance__  
__My head is bloody, but unbowed.__  
__Beyond this place of wrath and tears__  
__Looms but the Horror of the shade,__  
__And yet the menace of the years__  
__Finds and shall find me unafraid.__  
__It matters not how strait the gate,__  
__How charged with punishments the scroll,__  
__I am the master of my fate:__  
__I am the captain of my soul._

_Invictus ~ W.E. Henley_

_~•~•~•~_

Lisa and Loki walked along the wood, one ahead of the other, set on ignoring each other.  
Not a single sound had been uttered by any of them, after the harsh argument of the day before, and that prolonged silence that they had deliberately forced themselves to keep , had gradually turned out to be useful to diffuse the sharp tension grown between them.

"There's no need to go so fast" he moaned at once, through his teeth, "we've been walking for hours."  
Lisa turned to him.  
He looked pale and slightly out of breath but totally unwilling to let it seep out .  
"Need a stop? " She asked. her voice still a bit surly.  
"You definitely should" he snapped, shooting her a haughty glance.

Then, a shade of concern rushed over his face and softened his severe look for a moment.  
"You're still recovering, Such strains are not good for you". He pointed out.  
"How kind of you", she flatly countered, "you didn't care a freaking damn when they sliced me open and now you're afraid I could get tired. Really touching."  
Loki strided forward, whithout answering her but after a few minutes, he had to halt. His right palm went pressing on his chest. His lungs burning.

Lisa didn't realise Loki had fallen back until her own breath was the only sound she heard. She instantly froze and turned around again. He was quite some metres behind her , His forehead leant against the trunk of a maple tree. One of his arms was holding his middle, his eyelids shut.  
When her gaze caught him in such a sheer weariness, panic clogged her throat.  
"Loki... she murmured, what's wrong with you.." her voice tottering.  
He held his head up and gave her a hint of a smile, in an effort to reassure her ; his attempt, however, failed miserably.  
"It's nothing , I was just-" he tried.  
"I'm fine", he concluded in a rasp, sounding even less convincing.

Lisa came back to him and gave him a cross glance.  
"You can't help lying. Can you?" She muttered.  
Loki sucked in a deep long breath and swallowed hard, before speaking. his brows furrowed.

"I can't go on, Lisandra". he stated strightforwardly, You must continue without me."  
The utter determination which oozed from his words gave Lisa shivers.  
"No", she said below her breath, pacing nervously back and forth- her hands deep down in her pockets - not at all." She shook her head, " I won't leave you here."  
Loki let himself go on the grass with a grimace of pain and rested his shouders and nape against the bark of the maple tree. His chest was rising and falling fast. His eyelids went down again. he held his pointy chin up and inhaled deeply. His skin ,under the pale winter sun, appeared white as marble.  
"Don't make me said it again. Just go." He replied in a dull tone.  
Lisa knew he wouldn't have changed his mind easily  
"I will not". She retorted stubbornly.  
"Fine" he mormoured. And remained completely immobile.  
Lisa stepped closer. She sat on her heels and clung on to the back of his hand with her fingers. He whinced and struggled not to look at her.  
"Please Loki. I can't leave you here, I don't want to." she pleaded with him in a whisper.  
When he finally decided to turn to her, his heart sank into her watery, imploring eyes.  
"Even if I wished, I couldn't be of any help" he explained to her." I'm weeker than ever. Even the puniest midgardian would defeat me with a finger" he admitted in a fit of sincerity. "Nothing against midgardians", he added with a faint smirk.  
Lisa was still staring at him, but now both of her arms were folded on her breast.

"In this case , then, you know what to do".She replied drily  
"Do I?" He asked, pretty doubtful.  
" We've made an agreement. Don't you remember?" She insisted.  
Loki's lip tightened. His face clouded.  
Lisa raised an eyebrow, but didn't speak.  
He could feel all her scorn in her silence.

" Loki ,don't you- you gave me your word!" She snapped angrily after a short while.  
In response, he just blinked and looked away.  
Lisa gaped at him gashing resentment. Her fists clenched  
"The same old liar" she hissed with her eyes narrowed and blazing  
Loki again, looked perfectly unperturbed. "The circumstances under which we made that agreement were utterly different. He said in an aloof tone. "You know many things have changed since that moment and yet, you keep faking everything is ok". He tilted his head sideways and his eyebrows drew together. his sharp deep emerald eyes plunged into hers.

"Who's the real liar between me and you, now?"  
"We both are"- she shot back -"but I lie to myself not to yield to pain , you lie to anyone you meet, only for your own gloat."  
"For what I recall, if you hadn't been strong enough to bear my presence, I would have desisted from taking away your energy. These were the terms of our agreement, weren't they?

Lisandra stood silent.

" Now tell me, _honestly_, - he stressed that last word with a higher tone- are you currently strong enough to respect such terms?"  
She lowered her gaze and shook her head. "No, I'm not." she quietly confessed.  
"Indeed. As you can see, I'm remaining loyal to my promise."He sharply remarked.  
She swallowed and bit the inside of her cheek. "I'll die anyway if I go on alone". she objected in the end. "We might as well give it a try." Her voice low but firm.  
Loki conversely, seemed about to explode.  
"I must do it for Tess" , she continued, "I'm her mother."  
That was the last straw for him  
"Of course! Just think how happy she'll be when she finds out that you've lost your life because of her!" He stiffened up, widening his arms, in embitterment. He was slightly shaking and tiny crystal tearsdrops glimmered through his dark eyelashes .

"So she'll be safe but orphan at the same time. My compliments, Lisandra, quite a bright idea!" He added in a snarl.  
Lisa doubted that Loki had ever experienced parental love but several years before , Thor had told her how much Frigga meant to his brother and how excruciatingly guilty he had felt when he had been informed of her death. His words, therefore , sounded to her like the umpteenth confirm that his grief, in spite of time passing by, had not weakened at all.  
"I'm sure that when she is told how deep my love was, she will understand and support my choice." She replied calmly.  
Loki gave her a sideways look. His lips went tighter.  
"And what's the usefulness of your deep love if you can't share it with her?" He bitterly asked her.  
"Exactly the same usefulness of your mother' s love for you. She 'll hopefully be a better person and learn what it's worth fighting for and what it's not."  
Loki gulped his jaws spasmed . He swiped his hands over his temples, outlining small concentrical circles on them with his fingertips. A long deep hissing sigh came out of his mouth . He clumsly stood up and stopped right opposite her. His tall figure looming over her made her feel discomfortably tiny . Even weary as he was, Loki still kept several traits of his divinity and his hight still made his origins clear, despite Odin had erased them with irreproachable zeal, the day he had taken him to Asgard.  
"Place your palms on mine- he said to her- and don't distance them until I say you can. Yes?"  
Lisa nodded and did as Loki had ordered.  
"Now close your eyes, relax and focus on the rythm of your breathing."  
He pressed lightly on both the backs of her hands with his thumbs to balance the grip.  
"I'll give you only one chance, Lisandra, only one. And I won't let you die." He stated in an authoritative voice,a moment later.  
Her eyes trembled under the shut eyelids. Her lips unclosed a couple of times, attempting an answer but in the end, she surrendered and accepted his decision.


	12. Chapter 12

_Hello, dear readers! Let's keep going and hang in there. For you, a new looong chapter to spend your time with!_

_Lots of love!_

_L._

CHAPTER 12

_Which would be worse: to live as a monster or to die as a good man?__  
__Andrew Laddis ~ Shutter Island__  
_~•~•~•~

Loki suspended the magic and Lisa snapped his eyes open. The heat that had been gradually spreading through her limbs abruptly faded, replaced by an unrelenting tingling. She swallowed in concern.  
"Not here" Loki said below his breath, with his eyes flickering around . "We're too exposed. Come with me." He stated,without saying more. He took her by the hand, and surprisingly she didn't oppose.  
After a short walk and several detours, Loki halted in front of a sort of green curtain of vines and creepers. He moved slightly sideways the hanging leaves and passed through them, his fingers always clenched to Lisa's.  
"What place is this?" She asked, gaping in amazement, when she saw what was hidden behind that wall of leaves.  
A pond, nourished by a small waterfall and surrouded by countless white lilies, growing all around its edges, glimmered beside their eyes, under a ray of light that crossed the leafy branches of the birch trees.  
"My brother Balder used to come here every time he could." Loki explained. "Every time he could get away from the watchful eye of our mother, at least." He added with a shade of a smile on his face.

Lisa sat on the grass, crossed her legs and rested her elbows on her knees.

Loki glimpsed a flash of curiosity crossing her eyes so he went on.

"After his birth, Mother was tormented by tremendous nightmares, most of which ended with Balder dying in the most atrocious ways. She therefore set out on a journey, travelling all the nine realms and begging every living creature not to harm her child. Then, relieved, she came back home."

He paused and detached a lily from its stem, then he continued .  
"Unfornately, in the frantic attempt of protecting her son, she forgot something. A nothiness, to be honest. A tiny plant, almost insignificant. The mistletoe" He murmured. He swallowed hard and his lips got tight.  
"We were playing in the Great Hall, me Balder and Thor, the night after Balder's fifteenth bithday. We run after each other, threw things at each other, you know, things brothers usually do. Then Balder saw my bow, on the table and took it. He was so curious, so- eager to know every single thing around him." He whispered.

Lisa noticed his voice had got lower and sometimes trembled but apart from that, he was perfectly steady .

"He started to examine the bow, Loki said, twisting it into his hands and I just let him do it. I thought nothing bad could happen to him, after all. He loosened the arrow by mistake and it hit his arm. This is the way he died. Right in front of us, utterly aware of what was going on. Whithout me and Thor could have a chance to save him. Thor stood by his side until his very last breath,I literally bombarded him with all the magic I knew but I was young and not skilled enough and it almost killed me too."  
"That arrow- " Lisa attempted.  
"That arrow was not mine." Loki answered right away. "I never used mistletoe, we all knew how dangerous it was and then, Mother had forbidden."  
Lisa bit her lips, hesitating. "What happened next?" She finally asked him shily.  
Loki drew in a deep long breath.  
"Ok , too many questions- Lisa admitted- never mind I—"  
"I remained senseless for weeks." Loki cut in, shooting her a pointy glance. "When I woke up, of course, I was held responsible for what had happened and punished."  
"The snake" Lisa murmured. " I read something about that. Did it really—" she began but left the sentence unfinished.  
Loki slowly rolled the sleeve of his blouse, up to his elbow, so that his forearm could be clearly seen. Ash- white purple -rimmed scars cut through his pale skin.  
"I'm afraid so." He answered, nodding slightly.

Lisa instantly clouded. A shiver rushed along her bones at the thought of the deep pain he had been forced to undergo and she whinced.  
"How did you get free?" She rasped, keeping her gaze down , on the grass, as she felt tears push against the verge of her eyes.  
"Frigga" Loki explained. "She came and visited me one day, violating Odin's orders. She pleaded with me to tell her everything about that night. At first I refused, The last thing I wanted was give her a further load of grief to carry but at last, she was so devasted I could do nothing but consent. I told her every detail, every single word we had uttered, every desperate effort me and Thor had made to save our brother's life. Then, I went down on my knees and swore to her that I hadn't nocked the arrow. You know what? Not only did she believe me with no hesitation, but she also apologised to me, the only one in the whole Asgard. And so she set me fee.  
She took on the full resposability of her actions and as a response, the wise Allfather cast her out." He hissed with sharp sarcasm.

" When she was allowed to come back, she was not the same anymore. Her heart had definitively wrecked . She spent her entire life trying to protect us. She even _died_ to protect us, although we didn't deserve a grain of the love she gave us." He concluded bitterly.  
Lisa kept staring at the grass but now tears stumbled over her face and Loki noticed it.

He approached her and crouched in front of her. With his forefinger, he lifted her chin up and swiped softly the tears away with his knuckles.  
"It was a long time ago -he said to her- and then you know I dont like being pitied." His expression hardened a bit but it was clear he was not really vexed.  
The lily he had previously detached appeared in his hand and he smoothly let it drop behind her ear.  
That little kind spurt of magic caught her unawares and with her eyes still watery, she gave him a hint of a smile.  
He smiled back at her, then helped her pull herself up and for a long moment, they looked at each other in silence.

Just a few inches set them apart and Loki had to appeal to all his willpower not to kiss her.  
He held her hands again and retrieved his self control.  
"Ready?" He asked with a faint sigh.  
She nodded And her irises blazed with determination. She exhaled deeply and closed her eyes.

~•~•~•~

"_Catch me if you can!" The whole wood rang with Loki's tinkling voice and out of the corner of his eye, Thor saw the slender figure of his younger brother dash trough the leafless trees. He lunged at him, reached out, but as soon as he snatched at him, the frame dissipates into nothingness, in a bright-green glow, right in front of his baffled eyes.__  
__"Duped again brother!" Loki giggled, peeking out from behind a huge trunk. A cunning grin fixed on his face__  
__" Are you ever not going to fall for that?" He mocked him.__  
__Thor' s eyebrows drew together and He folded his arms on his chest . "You little trickster." He hissed, shaking his head and a slight chuckle came out of his semi- parted lips. He stepped towards him and poised.__  
__"Peace?" He asked, holding out a hand to his brother.__  
__Loki narrowed his eyes for a moment and tilted his head in doubt.__  
__"What? You don't trust me?" Thor prodded him.__  
__Loki sighed and eventually caved in, catching hold of his brother's hand.__  
__Thor leered at him and smirked , then,before Loki could have the time to counter, he clamped down on his forearm and shoved him onto the ground . "Are you ever not going to fall for that? " He poked and started to tickle him everywhere, with no restraint.__  
__Lying on his back Loki squirmed and kicked the air, struggling to get free of his brother's grip but despite his efforts, Thor was easily overpowering him.__  
__"S—stop! Stop brother!" He cried out, almost chocking on laughter- "please! I yield! "__  
__"What? I can't hear you!" Thor went on whithout stopping at all.__  
__"I said, I YIELD!"Loki yelled, almost out of breath and this time, Thor pleased him.__  
__For a short while, none of them spoke as they remained silent and wheezing, covered with grass and topsoil, then, suddenly, they stared at each other and burst out laughing._

_Thor first leaped out to his feet and shook the dirt off his trousers , a few minutes later , Loki did the same.__  
__The setting sun seeped trough the branches of the trees casting pink and orange sheens upon the glimmering surface of the lake .__  
__"Fancy a dive, brother?" Loki suggested, nudging him with a croocked grin.__  
__Thor rubbed his chin, hesitating__  
__"Well... I don't-"__  
__"Pleeease!" - Loki cut in in a whining tone- just to clean up our clothes!"__  
__Thor glanced at him, mused, glanced at the lake and back at his brother.__  
__"Alright then". He finally said, with a shrug._

_They rushed to the bank ready to plunge into the water, got nearly to the edge, then Thor abruptly halted. his gaze darted around. His whole body stiffened. Loki, a few steps behind him, sensed his fear and held his breath.__  
__A creak.__  
__His fists clenched.__  
__"Please not that wolf again" he thought to himself, shuddering at the sudden memory of the beast's teeth twisting into Thor 's leg.__  
__Another. Louder and closer__  
__Thor swallowed . Loki 's guts knotted. He crouched down, ready to attack and catch even the weakest movement.__  
__"Thor! Loki! Here you are my boys!"__  
__Frigga walked up to them, her boots squeaking on the ground and the dried leaves. "I've been searching for you, for about half an hour!" she scolded them.__  
__The two brothers heaved a sigh of relief.__  
__Figga frowned " I hope you were not planning to take a bath in the lake " she inquired in a vexed voice.__  
__Thor and Loki whinced. They looked at her , frozen. Then, with no need to speak to understand, they put their most innocent smile on__  
__"Of course not, Mother". They replied in unison.__  
__Frigga'right eyebrow went up. She lifted her chin.__  
__"Good for you" she replied, unconvinced. " It's almost dusk, time to go home, children." She added firmly. She gave them a last piecing look and turned her back to them.__  
__Loki and Thor, whereas, safe from the enquiring eyes of their mother, exchanged a quick glance of mutual understanding and followed her._

~•~•~•~

Thor stood perched on a small flat rock, his eye fixed on the sparkling water of the lake. Every inch of that wood had remained exactly as he had left it and sometimes it seemed Loki's silvery laughter still echoed through it as if even the trees and the wind were playing a trick on him. He blinked, leant forward , cupped his hands together under the water and splashed his face, hair and parched lips with the fresh liquid. For a second, he let the droplets trickle down his chin and neck, then , caught by a glimpse of a rustle, ha snapped up, his senses on the lookout.  
"Come out, you coward, whoever you are!" He snarled , his mouth twitched and his teeth gritted.  
Nothing happened.  
Thor took some steps ahead  
Again, utter stillness around him.  
"I give you my word, I won't hurt you if you show yourself now." he insisted , keeping on pacing forth .  
All of a sudden, A fawn came out of the bushes and made him startle. Its eyes widened and terrified.  
A sharp arrow was stuck deep into one of its lean paws and dark blood oozed along it spreading and staining its honey- coloured fur. it looked at the end of its tether.  
A while ago, Thor might have rejoiced for that unexpected good fortune and finished the fawn without the slightest qualm but now he just froze still.

His memories instantly rushed back to centuries earlier and his throat clogged. Vivid images and sounds overwhelmed him: a hiss, a bloodstain, wider and wider. Balder, his youngest brother falling on his knees and then collapsing on the floor. His groans, his blue-sky irises filled with the merest terror as he, the mighty god of thunder, the keeper of the nine realms did nothing but watching life slide away from Balder's body, overly bewildered and uncapable of making a single move.  
The fawn stumbled and belled fleebly and Thor' s heart sank.  
"Easy boy, easy, he whispered softly.  
If Loki had been there with him, he would have efforlessly nursed the fawn with his magic but Loki had passed away and it was time for Thor to cope with it . He didn't even have any magical skills, nontheless, he wouldn't have left another creature die whithout at least trying to help it. Not again, Not that time.

Despite his sight being blurred by tears, Thor grasped the shaft of the arrow and with a rapid tug pulled the tip out of the fawn's leg. It gave off a piercing cry.  
"Hush, boy," he murmured petting it on its head. He waited for the fawn to calm and stop shuddering, then sighed and nudged it away  
" Come on, go to your mother now, no one will harm you today."  
As soon as the fawn limped away, Thor noticed something else caught in the snag of a bush. Creased and blood stained in its top right corner, there was a squared picture . A little girl with a jet-black mane and a pair of dark- green clever eyes , not more than three or four years old, was hugging a huge teddy bear and grinning at the camera.  
Thor canted his head, and half smiled, touched by the gust of happiness that photo had instilled in him, then, folded the picture up and kept it safe in the pocket of his leather trousers.


	13. Chapter 13

_Hello dearest! I've lost count of how many days I have spent whithout writing and then, right when I didn't expect it at all, inspiration just popped out! It's really funny how life can be surprising sometimes… so, here is a brand- new chapter, only waiting for you to read!_

_Enjoy! ( and of course, review!)_

_Xx_

_L._

CHAPTER 13

_I swear to God, when I come home__  
__I'm gonna hold you so close__  
__I swear to God, when I come home__  
__I'll never let go__  
__Like a river, I flow__  
__To the ocean, I know__  
__You pull me close, guiding me home_

_James Arthur- falling like stars _

_~•~•~•~_

As their bodies blended togethger a jolt run through every single bone of her spine and her limbs spasmed. In a wave of discomfort, she gritted her teeth and nearly misbalanced. It was as if all at once, a huge stone was squashing her lungs and stomach, making it hard to proceed.  
"I feel fine" she claimed in a stumbling voice, without being asked.

Loki clicked his tongue.  
" I know exactly how you feel he snapped and I suspect_ "fine"_ is not the best word to describe the range of feelings you're experiencing right now". He rebucked her .

His voice hissed right into her head and she startled, still disaccustomed to that new strange cohabitation.  
"I can handle this" she stated, this time in a more resolute tone.  
"I'm aware it won't be easy but I grant you I'll do my best." She added soothingly.  
"I know you will." He countered, but his tone had softened too. 

~•~•~•~

"Have you ever known who killed him? I mean, who replaced the arrow?" Lisa asked him while walking.  
"No, not yet."  
Lisa widened her eyes in surprise.  
" Not.. _yet_?! Are you really telling me you're still looking for the culprit, after all this time?"  
" Of course -he replied placidly- I've never stopped. I owe it to Balder and come what may , I intend to finish what I've started."  
His voice had lowered again as If every time his younger brother was mentioned, a sparkle of Loki's life faded because of him.  
Lisa ducked her head and plunged her hands into the pockets of her coat. Only then, she realised one of them was ripped and the bottom had given.  
She abruptly halted and his breath snagged.  
Loki sensed panic spreading through her lungs.  
'Lis, what's the matter?" He inquired.  
"Loki... " she rasped.  
She let her rucksack fall on the grass and opened it, crouched and started rummaging spasmodically in every corner of it.  
"We must come back." she said. 

~•~•~•~ 

" I can't have lost it! I just can't." She sobbed as tears trailed along her face.  
She looked wan, her hands shaking, and yet, like a trapped beast trying to find a way out, she couldn't resign herself.  
"Lisa—" Loki tried.  
"No, I must find it." She cut in, pacing slowly and checking every inch of ground around her.  
"Lisa, Loki insisted, it's only a picture."  
She felt his palm on her right shoulder and and it was like coming out of a trance. She paused.  
"I know I may look childish, but It's the only picture I have of her." She whispered, sniffing. She swiped a tear away and swallowed.  
Loki's soft touch had slightly eased her, nonetheless, he could still detect something. Something sliding through her limbs and knotting her guts. Something that made her muscles unwillingly stiffen and her jaws clamp even in her sleep. Something similar to tension at a first glance, but inner and darker, if looked closely at: the constant, undying fear of the truth.  
Not a certainty, not even a tiny proof that her daughter was alive or a trace to lead her on the right path, only hope had driven Lisa where she was , the hope to eventually find Tess and see her again but every new day, she saw hope drift apart and truth loom over her. A truth that was still unknown but that she feared would have definitively killed her hopes away.  
Nobody better than Loki knew how both potentially destructive and life- saving the truth could be. He was still bearing the burnt of the one about him , remained unspoken for too long and yet, those unremovable scars , which that same truth had left on his soul, were worth it after all, since right when he thought it was too late, they had offered him the most precious thing he could ever hope to get: a choice. And he had chosen. He had chosen to save Lisandra and Tess, the ones he loved the most, the only two people he could still save and that he would have saved, at any cost.  
"You won't need pictures to remember her because you'll have her back in flesh and bones " Loki answered. His voice turned suddenly solemn. "That's a promise. "  
Lisa gave him a faint smile and for the first time since he had met her again, Loki felt she fully trusted him. 

~•~•~•~

For a long while, they remained quiet and pensive but as the sun began to set, the composure Loki had shown in the last few hours gradually crumbled and he came back to his usual mood swings. Now he was taut again and urged to find a place which- he said- could _'shelter'_ them for the night, although Lisa was quite sure_ 'hide'_ was what he truly meant to say.  
"You're troubled" she said below her breath and Loki did not deny it. He swallowed hard and gave her a mere mutter of assent.  
"I think someone is following us" he eventually admitted, pretty concerned. I've been clearly sensing a presence since we were about to leave the clearing.  
" Good Lord... " Lisa murmured, twisting a lock of hair around her forefinger."Ok, Let's go, let's go away from here. "  
The skin around her eyes was still seared by the tears got dried and her heart was furiously throbbing in her temples, giving her a vivid sense of dizziness. Nevertheless, she got instantly a grip of herself and tore, this time, in the opposite direction to the clearing. Her steps were short but quick as if she almost wished to touch the ground as lightly as possibile so that no footprints could mark it.

She had just past over a creek, when her feet and ankles got clogged- up as if they were stuck into fresh tar. She swayed and as she bent forward, the muscles of her abomen contracted and a stabbing stitch run through her still incompletely healed wound.  
"Loki!- she protested through her teeth- what the hell are you-  
"Don't. You. Move." Loki ordered.  
His heartbeat was so hammering that Lisa could sense it trough her ribs  
She lifted her eyes up and her lips parted in a soundless baffled cry.  
"It's.." she just managed to whisper.


	14. Chapter 14

_Surprise, surprise! Brand new chapter for you! Keep reading!_

_xx_

_L._

CHAPTER 14

_Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,_

_And sorry I could not travel both_

_And be one traveler, long I stood_

_And looked down one as far as I could_

_To where it bent in the undergrowth;_

_Then took the other, as just as fair,_

_And having perhaps the better claim,_

_Because it was grassy and wanted wear;_

_Though as for that the passing there_

_Had worn them really about the same,_

_And both that morning equally lay_

_In leaves no step had trodden black._

_Oh, I kept the first for another day!_

_Yet knowing how way leads on to way,_

_I doubted if I should ever come back._

_I shall be telling this with a sigh_

_Somewhere ages and ages hence:_

_Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—_

_I took the one less traveled by,_

_And that has made all the difference._

_The Road not taken ~ Robert Frost_

_~•~•~•~_

Loki was petrified. he had become reflexively compact, a block of hard stone. His head sunk into his shoulders, his fists clenched, his jaws clamped tight. Even his breath had turned slower as if, under the influence of that sudden compactness , it too had got dense, almost muddy.  
In contrast, everything around him had lost its sharpness; the outlines of the trees, the rocks, they all looked like emptied, trembling. His brother instead, a few meters from him, appeared mighty. And as he got closer, his figure seemed to actually grow and get wider.

For the second time, Loki experienced what had already happened to him at the clearing, the day he had surprisingly found Lisa awake and conscious: his heart was about to explode with joy and yet, he had been overwhelmed by a discomfort so deep and such a fear of doing or saying something wrong, that for a moment, he had wished she could loose her senses again.

Even in that occasion, although Thor could not see him, he felt like he was standing on an ice slab, ready to shatter under his feet, if only he had dared make a move. For that reason, he had got mired in a stillness that, though, he considered salvific and in which, therfore, he had deliberately dragged Lisandra too.

~•~•~•~

"I told you there was still hope!" She said, in a very low voice. Her lips had widened in an euphoric smile and her eyes were shimmering with tears of sincere happiness.

Loki on the other hand, was utterly incapable of sharing even the slightest shred of that feeling with her.  
"I said, keep still." He snarled instead, with desruptive determination.  
"But Loki, it's Thor!" She insisted.  
"Thank you, I'm not blind yet " he retorted with harsh sarcasm.  
Lisa got confused at first. She still remembered with extreme clearness Loki'struggle when he had told her how Thanos had slaughtered his people, his face twiched by guilt, his tottering voice when he had admitted, to himself more than to her, his failure as a saviour and as a brother and now he looked vexed, nearly angry to see Thor safe and sound.

One of his hands was now around her wrist and his fingers was so tightly clawed at it, that it hurt. That grasp, however, provided the evidence of what she had not been able to see for herself: Loki was not just holding her, he was holding to her, as if he was on the edge of a precipice. It was true, even if in his very peculiar way, Loki loved Thor more dearly than any of his friends and both his parents but at the same time, he was the one who had made him suffer more than any of them. Thinking him dead had been heartwrenching at the beginning, but then, gradually, Loki had started to see it as quite comforting; not because the love he felt for his brother was fading but because Thor's death granted him the certainty that his brother was finally resting in peace after all he had gone through, after all he had made Thor go through. She folded slightly her hand inward and she sensed his pointy knuckles under her fingertips.  
She brushed against them. Loki seemed to ease his nerves.  
Meanwhile, Thor was approaching them and he would have soon noticed Lisa.

~•~•~•~

Lisa acted istinctively whithout waiting for Loki's consent.  
"Thor! - She said out loud, appearing suddenly in front of him. I can't believe it's really you!"  
Thor startled and reflexively stepped back.  
He was the blurred immage of the glimmering god she had met years before, as if someone had thrown some dirt over him, covering his mesmerising glow. his long golden hair was now darker, dishevelled and much shorter and a black blindfold covered his right eye and partly, his cheekbone, which- on that side- was marked by a long thin reddish scar. He wore no cape but only a leather waistcoat and trousers.  
"Do I know you?" He asked, tilting his head with a skeptical look.  
She smiled faintly  
"Lisandra", She murmured, but her voice came out too low.  
Thor furrowed his forehead  
She cleared her throat  
"Lisandra Evans she said louder Jane's friend.

"Do you remember me?"  
For a heartbeat, she dared to hope, holding her breath.  
Hearing Jane's name made Thor wince, then a smile crept slowly through his lips and in his eyes quirked that old, familiar mesmerising gleam that every time seemed to turn his irises into pure sapphires.  
Afterwards, he gently moved a lock of hair away from her forehead and held her in a long warm wordless hug.

In the meantime, Loki - squeezed into his brother's unaware arms- couldn't help wondering what Thor would have done if he had know he was there too.


End file.
